ANCIENT PUNJAB Times Magazine
Local Overcomes Past to Dominate the Olympics
Raja Rasalu is a local of Sialkot, a
small town in the remote northeastern part of Punjab. His father and mother
neglected him as a child. They kept him locked away in the basement of their
house for twelve years. He was never allowed to see the light of day, breath the
fresh outdoor air, or interact with other people.
Nearly twenty years ago to the day, authorities caught wind of
the situation from an anonymous tip. They rescued him from the cellar and gave
him to another family. It took many months for Rasalu to become acquainted with
the outside world. Despite all of these setbacks, Rasalu would go on to be a
local hero.
From the age of fourteen, Rasalu
could do things that other kids his age could not. He was a very gifted
athlete. He attended Sialkot Middle School where he picked up a passion for
fencing and archery, two of the most popular sports in the region. He won back
to back regional championships in both before moving on to high school. He
attended the Sialkot Academy where he competed in national tournaments in both
sports.
His high school coach was quoted as
saying, “Rasalu was always one of the best from the start. When I first saw
this baby-faced freshman walk into the gym on the first day, I did not expect
the talent that he displayed. I knew from then that he would be special.” In
his first tournament at the national level, Rasalu won first place in both
individuals, and the Academy won first place in Archery and second place in
Fencing as a team. Rasalu continued to dominate at the national level against
kids who were much older and more experienced.
When the 114 Olympics rolled around,
the buzz about this local kid, Rasalu, began to spread across the nation like a
wildfire. Rasalu’s coaches, teammates, and friends began to pressure Rasalu to compete
as the youngest ever archer and fencer. Rasalu would not only compete, but he
would go on to provide the world with one of the most iconic performances
possibly of all time.
Much to everyone’s surprise, Rasalu
barely squeezed out of the qualifying rounds. Most analysts agreed that this
kid was clearly affected by the pressure to bring home glory for his country;
after all, he was just a kid. In the final round of the archery competition,
Rasalu was a much different competitor. He seemed to figure out how to calm his
nerves as he fired arrow after arrow directly into the bullseye. He was the
first ever archery competitor to hit the bullseye in all ten shots. He ran away
with the Gold Medal.
After this competition he had to
ditch the emotion in order to prepare for the Fencing Gold Medal match. It was
a matchup for the ages. Rasalu would be competing against Rashiki “The Giant”
Muska. Rashiki was undefeated and more experienced than Rasalu. In the opening
set, Rasalu jumped out to a quick, impressive lead. He would never falter and go
on to win in straight sets. He returned home to Sialkot with two gold medals as
a hero. Rasalu continues to train and will attempt to defend his gold medals at
the 118 Olympic Games.
Olympic Podium
By Michaljamro on Pixabay
Author's Note:
My blog was loosely related to the Heroic Story of Raja Rasalu. Raja Rasalu was a great hero who was born to a Queen and a King. The King and Queen were being punished so they must put their son in a cellar for twelve years. After the son got out of the cellar he went on many adventures. He killed many powerful monsters including giants, solved many riddles, and won many games. He became king of some land for a while before moving on to a new adventure. Word of him spread very far. He was known for being able to shoot arrows through metal and chopping off giants' arms with one swing of a sword. I decided to write an article of a kid rising from his past being locked away to becoming an Olympic hero in archery and fencing. This story loosely relates to my Sinbad story in my portfolio because both stories involve a character overcoming a bad past to do great things.
Bibliography:
The Adventures of the Punjab Hero Raja Rasalu by Charles Swynnerton (1884).
Hey Tim,
ReplyDeleteI like that you wrote this story as if it was a biography about Raja Rasalu, rather than just a list of facts or a fictional tale. The quote from his couch and the date of the Olympics he was competing in made me laugh. Hitting the Bullseye 10 times in a row is quite a record to beat, can that even be beaten, or should it have just been taken out of the Olympic competitions all together at that point?
Hi Tim. I liked how you made the story more modern by making into a heroic story of a child overcoming adversity. I’ve never read the original story, but you did a good job summarizing it in your author note. I like the changes you made and I thought you did a good job tying it all together. It was entertaining and a fun read. Good job!
ReplyDeleteHey Timothy,
ReplyDeleteFirst off, I want to say that I think you have a really solid idea for the story. You keep the main character's interesting backstory while modernizing the world in which the character grows.
My first criticism is about the format. In newspaper articles, there are usually breaks for the paragraphs, just like in papers. I think it makes the story much more readable too. The paragraphs should help you transition from one idea to the next also. That was another thing I was thinking about when I read your story - it was a little messy at times, but your actual sentences are very good. They use good verbiage and have the a journalistic flavor to them.
Articles that focus on a particular person tend to not only focus on the person's achievements or role in the narrative, but also their personality and their relateable qualities. Connecting is what people want to do when they read about someone great. If you could maybe include a quote of some kind from Raja himself, or maybe from some of his close relatives, that would really shed some light on the person Raja is.
Keep up the good work!
Joe Wagner
I remember reading your story before for regular blog comments one week. I really like the story and how you transformed it from the original. I haven’t read the original story, but based off of your author’s note I think you did a good job of keeping enough information in yours to tie it to the original. I also think you did a good job of transforming it into something new and exciting. I think the idea of a news article was a good way of relaying your new story and gave it a modern-day feel. It also made it seem like a real biography and not just a fictional tale. I think something that might be interesting to add would be a quote from Raja Rasalu himself. I mean the story is about him, so how does he feel about everything that’s happened and all his accomplishments? It might just add a more personal feel to the story. There was one sentence that I think you forgot a word, “…caught wind of the child from an tip.” I think you left out “anonymous” or just added an “n” to “a tip”. I make mistakes like that all the time because I type and proofread so fast. Other than that I thought you did a great job transforming this story and making it your own. I’m interested to see what else you add to your portfolio!
ReplyDeleteI loved the format you chose. Using the newspaper outline was so clever, and at first I was actually like “wait, how true is this story?!”. You told it very realistically, with the right amount of details to make it believable. I also enjoyed the overall arc of the story, with Rasalu surmounting incredible hardships on his way to success. Once again, you confused me for a second, and made me wonder if this was based on a very true story.
ReplyDeleteSo is this set in the year 114 CE? Or is it modern, and at the 114th Olympic games (I have no idea how many games there have been. Probably more than that.)? I assume you mean the year because he will then compete in the 118 games. If so, it’s clever how you chose such an usual time to set your story.
I enjoyed this a lot. Well done!
I love how you opened with the portfolio index. You did a really good job explaining what is to come in the rest of your portfolio. My only suggestion for that is to make it more personal and less like its being told from a bird’s eye view. You create a sense of urgency that entices me to read your stories. Maybe you could create a page style that would accompany that more. With dark colors that reflect these intense and dramatic tales. I think that would bring a visual aspect to the story that is missing right now! You wrote “authorities caught wind of the child from an tip” instead of a tip by accident. I think splitting up the story into more manageable chunks would be helpful for the reader. I wonder how old he was when he was rescued because I know that kind of neglect can cause irreparable damage to a child or any human. I really like how you changed it into something more of modern day. I would have loved to know more about what happened to him and how he made his way to being an Olympic champion. Very interesting story! I would have read the book if there was one.
ReplyDeleteHey Tim, I enjoyed your other portfolio addition so I thought I give reading this one a shot for my extra portfolio to comment on. First off, I think it was just as good and entertaining as the first of not more. Like Annie said, the portfolio introduction really helped set the urgency for the plot and got me thinking before I even started. I have not read the source story, to this one however I liked that it was similarly themed to your story about Sinbad. I like feel good stories/"rags to riches" and it was cool to see the child overcome his past and goes on to become a great Olympic champion. I like that you have even set up the ending for a potential sequel by saying he looks to defend his gold medals in the 118 Olympic games. Lastly, I think either some dialogue or possibly a paragraph break would help the story's readability. All in all, I was a fan and I hope to see if Rasalu can defend his medals in a future story. Thanks for sharing and I look forward to seeing how the rest of your portfolio turns out.
ReplyDeleteI like the way you decided to reconstruct the story to make it more modern. I think you did that very well, but my main problem with the story is that I think your tone is very confused. It doesn't really read like a newspaper article. It kind of reads like a cross between an article and just a short narrative. Part of the time I found myself wondering why the kid didn't have a larger voice in his own story before I remembered it was supposed to be in a newspaper. I think clarifying your tone a bit by writing in a more news reporting style and format would make the structure of your story much clearer. I also feel like you might want to add some better pictures. It would give a real newspaper feel to the story if you could find say some black and white photos of people fencing. I wouldn't expect to see clipart in a newpaper.
ReplyDeleteWhat a great idea making an article from the original story. I would have never thought to do that! I like how you left nothing out of your story. As the reader of your creation I knew that you must have stayed close to the original, but you made it flow so well and it didn’t seem out of place. I like how you also made Raja a hero instead of faltering to his past. He overcome obstacles and did great things. I love stories like that, it makes you think you can achieve anything you set your mind to. It gives hope. I see nothing that needs to really be changed or edited. You conveyed a reporter speaking very well and could distance the narrator from the original story. This isn’t a bad thing, but rather good because the narrator had no personal connection to Raja, his past and achievements. Really great job : )
ReplyDelete